Even Better Than Confidence!

Even Better Than Confidence

Self-esteem! It is a trait which is a step beyond ‘confidence’ in that true confidence, (the kind which is consistent and substantiated and, well true!), only has scope for longevity and consistency when backed by innate self-esteem.

Having high levels of self-esteem has demonstrably, across all cultures, be shown to reduce the emotional distress caused by failure. People with a lot of confidence, bolstered be a true sense of self, have an easier time recovering from stressful situations, rather than falling into depressed or defeatist states of mind.

Confident people typically inspire us. On a visceral level, we are attracted to self-esteem like moths to a flame. Ask yourself: Would you be inclined to follow a leader who lacked confidence in times of turmoil? Would you hire a contractor who put down his own work? Would you rather work under a manager who is hesitant or one who is self-assured?

Self-esteem is a quality we admire in others and normally seek to nurture within ourselves. This is because we associate it with competence and achievement. However, all the professional and personal benefits provided by high self-esteem can be achieved in larger quantities if we focus on grooming another lesser-acknowledged personal trait: self-compassion.

“Self-compassion” might sound like a chapter title pulled from any self-help book. Even the defining characteristics of self-compassion sound a little ‘cheesy’ on first glance: 

·   Self-kindness: understanding and being kind to ourselves, rather than being consistently self-critical

·  Acknowledging our common humanity: acknowledging the experiences and struggles of others, rather than feeling isolated in our suffering

·   Mindfulness of reality: trying to remain aware of the reality of our experience, rather than exaggerating or dramatizing our accomplishments or failures

A UC-Berkeley  found that, when compared to individuals with high self-esteem, those who also had high levels of self-compassion studied more for a test after failing, (suggesting an even greater willingness to bounce back after failure than those with high self-esteem), and were more motivated to address and improve on their own personal weaknesses, (which is a more challenging issue for people with high self-esteem).

Further studies show that those with high self-compassion are less likely to base their self-esteem on outside factors like: competitive success, feeling attractive or gaining social approval for their actions. Self-compassion is also associated with reduced defensiveness, lower levels of narcissism and a more level-headed acceptance of criticism (with significantly less anxiety than those who only displayed high self-esteem). So it’s probably fair to say we have a whole new way to look at most of what we do and experience…..